Its
Friday, 9th June 2017, as the clock ticks away, I look up its
exactly 11.33pm.
The
count down begins. It is exactly 60 days to the Kenya’s General Elections and
exactly 27 minutes before I turn 27 years! I am filled with mixed emotions, I
am both sad and happy at the same time. Sad that am getting older (I mean we
all want to remain sweet 16, right?). Happy that God has been so merciful that
I have survived a quarter a century topped with 2 years, Allah is indeed great
no? When I remember, just two months and a week ago, I lost a very close
friend, a former colleague, he rested at just two weeks short of his birth day.
He never lived to celebrate his 28th birthday, so I have all the
reasons to murmur a prayer of thanks giving to God.
And for a moment, memories of my
life happenings for the past 26 years flood my mind. I go back in time to all
the events that occurred. From the friendships, to heartbreaks, to
achievements, to silly moments, to goodbyes, to good times, to bad times, to
sorry moments, to lessons learnt, to future plans, and yes life always happened,
because I always live large. But there was this particular moment, a star
moment, when I met him, things were never going to be the same again, the
obsession has never stopped ever since.
I am watching a movie on my
laptop, I glance at the bottom right corner, it reads 11.55pm and we are 5
minutes shy of midnight. The intensity of the excitement mounts, this is truly
happening. I can’t help it. Clearly my company is good, but it would have been
great with him besides me. It feels empty without you, it’s like there is no me
without you.
They say God speed is always on
time, I agree. But where have you been all this while, I have never seen a soul
like yours before. It’s been not so long ago, but you make me wonna be a better
version of myself every day, you make me look at things in a totally different
world view, I feel like I should sit by my laptop every night and write a love
letter to you. I miss you a lot today, and a little more every day. If there is
a place I wonna be in right now is by your side, always and forever.
The loneliness, the emptiness, the
aloneness, the lonesomeness, the separateness, the solitude, the absence, the
distance, the emotions, the feelings, the love, the affection, the attachment,
the fondness form part of my every day wish. That chaque jour, I wish you were
never so far from me, that you would not be so busy for me, that you would call
often enough to check on me, that I don’t have to cry myself to sleep every
night, that instead of wasting so much time with bureaucracies of love, we
should just be straightforward, that you would at least take an emotional
responsibility, that the emotional investment will not be in vain, that you
will always love me and not make feel jealous in front of other women.
My love, the list is endless but
as you see, I am just a woman in love, with so many anxieties, uncertainties, and
some of these things will not make sense to you, but like you asked me I will
hang in there. Looking forward to happy days, but I swear some days you do make
me feel desperate for your love, is it too much that I ask from you? That you
are not sure about me, about us? Do you need some space and time? Please tell
me, I need some answers. It’s true, am awfully afraid of losing you, but I don’t wonna lie to myself
Yours truly,
One and only,
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